#E31 Understanding How Diets Mirror Abusive Relationship Patterns

In this episode, host Louise Bryant, a professional certified coach, intuitive eating counsellor, and trauma-informed domestic abuse specialist, draws revealing parallels between dieting, negative body image and toxic relationships.

Louise shares her journey of battling various diets and enduring abusive relationships, highlighting how both can manipulate, control and isolate individuals, ultimately eroding self-worth and autonomy.

She offers insights into breaking free from the toxic grips of diet culture through intuitive eating, body kindness and self-compassion.

Listen in for thought-provoking reflections and journaling questions designed to help you heal and reclaim your relationship with food and your body.

Released September 12th 2024

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Our Host 🫶🏻

Louise Bryant is a professional certified coach, intuitive eating counsellor, and a trauma-informed domestic abuse specialist as well as survivor.

Through her platform, "Secrets in the Powder Room," Louise fosters open conversations about the often-hidden struggles women face, including social anxiety and trauma.

Her expertise, drawn from personal and professional experiences, aims to guide others in healing through alternative therapies, body kindness and intuitive eating.

Passionate about breaking the silence around women's issues, Louise provides free, simple tips and profound insights to ease anxiety and promote well-being.

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• For more podcasts secretsinthepowderroom.com

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Newsletter 📧

Break Free from Diet Culture & Reclaim Your Self-Worth 🌸

Dear Secret listeners,

I hope this email finds you well. Our latest episode of Secrets in the Powder Room was deeply personal and incredibly important. In "Dieting is Abusive Relationships," we explored the toxic parallels between dieting, negative body image, and abusive relationships. If you haven't had a chance to listen yet, I encourage you to give it a try.

In this episode, I dove into my own struggles with dieting and toxic relationships, sharing how they chipped away at my self-worth and left me feeling inadequate. But through intuitive eating and a journey of self-compassion, I found my way to healing and empowerment. I want the same for you. 🌟

Key Takeaways from the Episode:

• Control:

  Both diets and abusive relationships thrive on control, dictating your behaviours and silencing your inner wisdom.

• Emotional Manipulation:

  Diet culture manipulates your self-perception, leading to relentless self-criticism and comparison.

• Isolation and Shame:

  Like abusive relationships, diets can isolate you and deepen your feelings of shame and inadequacy.

• Path to Freedom:

  Just as you can escape an abusive relationship, you can break free from diet culture by recognising harmful patterns and reclaiming your power and self-worth.

Thought-Provoking Journaling Prompts:

I left you with some reflective questions in the podcast to help you on this journey. Here they are again:

1. How has dieting impacted your emotional and psychological well-being?

2. In what ways have you felt controlled or restricted by dieting rules?

3. Can you identify moments when dieting isolated you from social interactions or activities that you enjoy?

4. How has your self-esteem been affected by your experience with dieting?

5. What steps can you take to begin trusting your body's signals and rejecting the diet mentality?

Take some time to write down your thoughts. Journaling can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and healing. ✍️

Join Our Community:

Are you ready to explore this journey further? I'm here to support you every step of the way.

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Stay Connected:

Follow, like, or subscribe to Secrets in the Powder Room on your favourite platform so you don't miss our next episode. We will be discussing practical tips to begin your journey towards healing and self-love.

Thank you for being a part of this community. Remember, you deserve to live free from the control of diets and other toxic influences. Trust your body, be kind to yourself, and know that you are enough just as you are.

With love and support,

Louise Bryant
Host, Secrets in the Powder Room
Certified Coach, Intuitive Eating Counsellor, Trauma Informed Domestic Abuse Specialist

P.S. Feel free to share this email with anyone who might benefit from this message. Together, we can spread the word and help more people break free from the toxic cycles of dieting and negative self-image. 💖

Blog 🚨

Diets are Abusive Relationships: The Dark Parallel

Exploring the Toxic Dynamics Between Dieting and Negative Body Image

Introduction

In a society that glorifies thinness and perpetuates the myth that being skinny equates to being healthy, many individuals, especially women, find themselves trapped in destructive cycles of dieting and self-loathing. The parallels between dieting, negative body image, and toxic or abusive relationships are stark and deeply unsettling. This blog post will delve into these parallels, highlighting how dieting not only harms your physical health but also exerts control and emotional manipulation akin to abusive relationships.

The Illusion of Control

Dieting as a Form of External Control

Much like an abuser who manipulates and controls their partner, diets impose rigid rules and restrictions that create a false sense of control over your body and your behaviour. These exhaustive lists of what you can and cannot eat, calorie counting, and imposed food rituals mirror the power dynamics in a toxic relationship, where one party seeks to dominate the will and autonomy of the other.

In both scenarios, the individual under control begins to lose connection with their inner self. In abusive relationships, this can mean a loss of identity and self-worth. In dieting, this manifests as a disconnection from your body’s natural hunger and satiety signals. Your body becomes the battleground, and food the weapon, eroding your sense of trust and autonomy over time.

Emotional Manipulation and Gaslighting

The Vicious Cycle of Self-Doubt and Criticism

Emotional manipulation is a hallmark of both toxic relationships and dieting culture. Just as an abuser may gaslight their partner into questioning their reality and sense of worth, diet culture manipulates perceptions of our bodies and fuels negative self-talk. This continuous cycle of self-doubt and criticism becomes internalised, eroding self-esteem and making individuals feel perpetually inadequate.

We are bombarded with societal messages that reinforce harmful beliefs—being thin is synonymous with being good, and gaining weight is viewed as a moral failure. Compliments on weight loss, often well-meaning, inadvertently reinforce these toxic messages, leading us to believe that our worth is intrinsically tied to our size. This endless pursuit of an ‘ideal’ body ensnares us in a cycle of dieting, dissatisfaction, and emotional turmoil.

Isolation and Shame

The Social Isolation of Dieting

Much like an abuser who isolates their partner from friends and family, diets can lead to social isolation, contributing to feelings of shame and inadequacy. The fear of judgment for food choices or the anxiety of potentially ‘breaking’ a diet can cause individuals to withdraw from social events and shared meals.

This withdrawal further isolates individuals, deepening their feelings of shame and perpetuating the toxic cycle. Just as victims of abuse might feel isolated and unsupported, individuals caught in the throes of diet culture often feel alone in their struggles, underestimating how pervasive and damaging these societal norms can be.

Breaking Free: Reclaiming Power and Autonomy

Steps Towards Healing

Breaking free from the grips of diet culture, much like leaving an abusive relationship, requires support, self-awareness, and a strategic plan. Recognising the harmful patterns is the first step toward reclaiming your autonomy and healing your relationship with your body. This journey involves reconnecting with your body’s signals, challenging internalised negative beliefs, and seeking support from communities that advocate for intuitive eating and body kindness.

Intuitive eating, as championed by authors Evelyn Triboli and Elyse Resch, offers a pathway out of this damaging cycle. It encourages reconnection with your body’s natural hunger and fullness cues, fostering a healthier relationship with food based on trust and self-respect.

Reflective Questions for Personal Growth

Journaling Prompts to Guide Your Journey

To aid in this process, consider reflecting on the following questions:

• How has dieting impacted your emotional and psychological well-being?

• In what ways have you felt controlled or restricted by dieting rules?

• Can you identify moments when dieting isolated you from social interactions or activities that you enjoy?

• How has your self-esteem been affected by your experience with dieting?

• What steps can you take to begin trusting your body’s signals and rejecting the diet mentality?

Take the time to write down your thoughts. This practice can be an important step towards healing and reclaiming a healthy, compassionate relationship with food and your body.

Conclusion

The parallels between dieting and abusive relationships underline the importance of challenging societal norms that perpetuate these harmful cycles. By embracing intuitive eating and body kindness, we can begin to dismantle these toxic beliefs and reclaim our autonomy, self-worth, and well-being. If you find yourself trapped in the cycle of dieting and negative body image, know that you are not alone and there are paths to healing and support available. Remember, your worth is not determined by your size, and you deserve to live free from the control of diets and societal pressures.

Journaling prompting questions ✍🏻

1. Can you recall a diet that felt particularly restrictive or controlling? How did it make you feel emotionally and physically?

2. In what ways has your self-talk been influenced by diet culture or societal expectations about body image?

3. Have you ever felt judged or criticised by others based on your body size or eating habits? How did it impact your self-esteem?

4. What are some messages or beliefs about food and body image that you've internalised from diet culture?

5. Can you identify any parallels between your experiences with dieting and your experiences (if any) in toxic relationships?

6. How has dieting affected your relationship with food? Do you view food as nourishment, pleasure, or something else?

7. What role does shame play in your relationship with your body and food? How can you begin to address and release feelings of shame?

8. How has dieting influenced your social life and interactions with family or friends? Have you ever missed out on social events due to diet restrictions?

9. Reflect on a moment when you felt genuinely free from the pressures of diet culture. What was different about that time?

10. How can you start to cultivate a kinder, more compassionate relationship with yourself and your body?

11. What steps can you take to begin reconnecting with your body’s natural hunger and fullness signals?

12. What would it look like for you to fully embrace intuitive eating? What challenges or fears do you anticipate, and how can you address them?

13. Consider the support systems available to you (friends, family, professionals). How can you utilise these resources in your journey towards healing and self-acceptance?

These questions can help you delve deeper into your experiences and feelings surrounding diets, body image, and self-worth, fostering a more compassionate understanding of yourself.

Transcript 📝

NOTE: This podcast was transcribed by editing tool, Please forgive any typos or errors

Hey. Today we are going to be exploring how dieting and negative body image mirror the patterns of toxic or abusive relationships. This comparison might seem surprising at first, but as I unpack these parallels, you'll see how closely they align with the patterns of control, harm and emotional turmoil found in abusive relationships. Welcome to the Secrets in the Powder Room, where we share stories and open up conversations about all the secrets women are forced to keep out of fear and shame. I'm Louise Bryant, professional certified coach, intuitive eating counselor, and trauma informed domestic abuse specialist and survivor. We're here to support you on your healing journey and help you feel like you're not alone. This is not to be a replacement of your own professional, medical, or legal advice. This podcast contains adult language and content.

Louise Bryant00:00:52 - 00:01:44

Listener discretion is advised. Today we are diving into a deeply personal and thought provoking topic of how diets, negative body image and self talk parallel toxic relationships. This episode is especially close to my heart because it reflects not just my professional journey, but also my personal struggles. I have faced my fair share of challenges when it comes to body image. For most of my life, I've been caught in the cycle of trying every diet under the sun. Atkins, Keto, Weight Watchers, Slimming World, you name it. Each one promised me a better life, a better body and a better me. But in reality, these diets did nothing but pour me deeper into a toxic relationship with food and ultimately with myself.

Louise Bryant00:01:45 - 00:02:43

But the toxicity did not stop there. I've also been in a number of abusive relationships and toxic friendships over the years. These relationships, much like diets, chipped away at my self worth, made me doubt my own value and left me feeling like I was never enough. Even after meeting my husband and experiencing a healthy loving relationship, I still clung to that one toxic relationship, my relationship with food. It wasn't until I discovered intuitive eating and began my journey towards becoming a certified intuitive eating counsellor that I truly started to break free from the toxicity. Now let's be clear, most restrictive diets do not work in the long term and are not a healthy way to live. We are not good because we lost weight and we're not bad because we ate something quote 'naughty' unquote. These are damaging societal messages that reinforce the idea that fat is bad and skinny is good.

Louise Bryant00:02:43 - 00:03:27

But let me tell you I've been skinny many times in my life and trust me I was definitely not healthy with it. It was mentally suffering. Skinny does not equal healthy. Trust me on this. Okay, so just as in an abusive relationship diets are rooted in control. In an abusive relationship, the abuser seeks to manipulate and exert power over their partner. Diets do the same by imposing rigid food rules and calorie counting, creating a full sense of control over your body and behaviors. But in reality, this is just another form of control silencing your inner wisdom and preventing you from truly connecting with your body's genuine needs.

Louise Bryant00:03:28 - 00:04:24

So now let's talk about emotional manipulation. This is another key similarity because as an abuser might gaslight their partner into questioning their reality, diets and diet culture manipulate your perceptions of your body. Negative body image and self talk become ingrained leading you to believe that you are not good enough as you are. This can fuel the relentless inner dialogue of self criticism and comparison eroding your self esteem. It's a vicious cycle that benefits no one but the industries that profit from self doubt. And let's not forget that when we compliment someone for losing weight, we're reinforcing these harmful societal messages that equate thinness as good and fatness as bad. But the truth is our worth isn't tied up in our size. Being thin does not make us morally superior and gaining weight does not make us morally inferior.

Louise Bryant00:04:25 - 00:05:18

These are toxic beliefs that need to be dismantled for us to truly embrace body kindness and self compassion. Now let's move on to isolation and shame. So they are also at the core of both toxic relationships and dieting mindset. Just as an abuser might isolate their victims from friends and family, diets can isolate you from social events and shared meals. You might avoid going out because you're afraid of breaking your diet or being judged for your food choices. This isolation only deepens your feelings of inadequacy and perpetuates the cycle of shame and self loathing. But here's the thing, there is a way out. Just as you can break free from an abusive relationship, you can also break free from the grips of diet culture.

Louise Bryant00:05:18 - 00:06:03

It starts with recognizing the harmful patterns and choosing to reject them. For me, this was discovering intuitive eating. For you, this might be something different. But the core idea remains the same, reclaim your power, your autonomy and your self worth. And if you're interested in reading some more, Ethelyn, Triboli and Elise Riesch, authors of Intuitive Eating, discuss how the diet industry profits from your self doubt and body dissatisfaction. They explain that dieting is a form of external control that disconnects you from your body's natural signals. Similar to how an abuser disconnects their victims from their sense of self and autonomy. So what can we do about this? Recognising the harmful patterns is the first step.

Louise Bryant00:06:03 - 00:07:56

Just as leaving an abusive relationship requires support, self awareness and a plan, breaking free from diet involves similar steps. It means reconnecting with your body signals, challenging the negative beliefs that diets have ingrained in you, and seeking support from those who understand intuitive eating, body kindness and self compassion. It's about reclaiming your power and autonomy over your body and your eating habits. It's about learning to trust yourself again and recognizing that you are worthy and enough just as you are. If you've seen yourself in these patterns know that you're not alone and there is a way out. Embracing intuitive eating and rejecting the diet mentality can be liberating especially for those who have experienced trauma and abuse. And before we wrap up, I'd like to leave you with some thought provoking journaling questions to help you reflect on today's topic. How has dieting impacted your emotional and psychological well-being? What ways have you felt controlled or restricted by dieting rules? Can you identify moments when dieting isolated you from social interactions or activities that you enjoy? How has your self esteem been affected by your experience with dieting? What steps can you take to begin trusting your body's signals and rejecting the diet mentality? Take some time to reflect on these questions and write down your thoughts.

Louise Bryant00:07:56 - 00:08:55

Exclude

0:02 - 08:56

This process can be a powerful step towards healing and reclaiming your relationship with food and your body. Thank you for listening to this episode of Secrets in the Powder Room with me, Louise Bryant. And if you're ready to explore this journey further, I'm here to support you. You can reach out and see if you're eligible for my free domestic abuse coaching program or book a discovery call if you're interested in one of my other programs, membership, or one to one coaching. And don't forget to sign up to my emails to receive free meditations and that you don't miss one of my podcast episodes or offers. Remember to follow, like, or subscribe depending on which platform you're listening from so you don't miss our next episode where we'll discuss practical tips to begin your journey towards healing. Until then, be kind to yourself, trust your body and know that you deserve to live free from control of diets and other people.